Making New Friends - Lessons from a Four-Year-Old

Today my daughter and I went to Love Feast. This happens every Sunday evening at the Hari Krishna Temple near my house. This means that there is a feast of lovely vegetarian food for anyone who wants to come, and all one has to pay is love. And afterward, if you want, you can remove your shoes and go into the temple for a lesson from the Bhagavad-gita or if you get there early you can do some Bhakti yoga.

The food is good. I know because I have been known to frequent their restaurant, Govinda's, during the week, but this is the first time I have made it to Love Feast. The Hari Krishnas take up about half a block off of Venice Boulevard here in L.A. where many of them live and eat and the kids play tag on the grass in front of the visitors center. Though it is off a main boulevard, it is not a busy street and is quite narrow. Any cars who decide to drive down this street have to drive slowly because there are often kids and adults using the street like a courtyard. The women are colorful in yards of fabric, but there are some civilians like me, too.

Phoebe and I carried our food to the grass to watch the kids play tag. She watched for about half an hour and then she got up, spun around in a circle with a huge grin, and started running around in figure eights amidst the kids. She wasn't playing with them, just beside them. They were clearly having their own game, but she didn't seem to know there were any rules and just kept running and smiling and having a great time. I loved watching her pure joy, but I started to feel a little rejected for her because it was clear to me (though she was totally unaware) that she was on the outside and none of the kid were befriending her. That is, until she nearly collided with an older girl in a pink shirt. This was apparently all that needed to happen. The girl asked her her name, how old she was, and then gave her a high five, and they were b.f.f. after that. She introduced Phoebe to another friend in a yellow shirt and they started their own game of chase.

They were so cute and loving and attentive to her and I even caught them putting a pink scarf on Phoebe's head. They played for hours. Tag. Hide and Seek. They climbed a tree. I honestly couldn't have orchestrated it better.

Originally I was thinking that this was a funny story about how kids interact and meet, then I realized that my method of meeting people is not that different. It is often while I am running around enjoying myself (or pretending to), in the vicinity of other people, that I bump into someone, we exchange names, high five (or shake hands), get digits and the rest is history.

This is what happened when I was about 36 weeks pregnant. I went to a yoga class that was far away from my house (1/2 hour drive), but I had heard it was worth the drive--it was. We did some partner exercises and the girl I partnered with turned out to live three blocks from me, was due a week before me and we were both having home births. Oh, I forgot to mention that our birthdays are two days apart.

It was a cool coincidence. But I really didn't think that much of it. I had plenty of friends who had kids and wasn't thinking that I needed another friend. (I also didn't want to have to answer questions about myself or my situation at that time.) But Chelsea had other plans. She had just quit work and didn't know any other moms. She got my digits and she used them. There was no getting off the hook. She kept calling. And it turned out to be one of the best things that happened to Phoebe and I. Their family was very supportive to our little family during our first year and is still an important part of our lives. The girls are truly best friends (their birthdays are only 6 days apart and they both love purple), they go to the same preschool, and they love each other like sisters.

I learned a lot from watching Chelsea that first year. When we'd go to the park, she'd talk to anyone with a baby, and if the child was remotely close to our kids' age, and the parent was breathing, she'd get their number and try to make a connection. The big lesson I learned was that not all moms have the support we do in our community, and if they are not as outgoing as Chelsea, may be quite isolated. Maybe they are going to the park, chasing their kid around in circles, and hoping to bump into another mom and make a friendship.

Today in church I learned that we go to church to fellowship and be fellowshipped. We must also go into our community and do the same.

Using Anchors to Change Your Birth Experience

Anchors are one of the most powerful tools. I was really shocked when I learned about them, because they are all around us and we don't realize how we are accidentally being affect by them or affecting others with them, for better or worse. Anchors bring a person back to a certain state (good or bad or in between) instantly. We use them in hypnotherapy, but a person doesn't have to be hypnotized to create or be affected by an anchor. In my upcoming training for birth professionals I will be teaching how to use anchors to empower, calm and relax your clients instantly. I will also be showing how to unwittingly avoid doing the opposite--creating stress, triggering old traumas, etc. For today I want to briefly explain anchors and how they may help or hinder us at birth and in motherhood.

An anchor can be:

Kinesthetic - such as a touch on a certain place on your arm

Auditory - such as a song, or a tone of voice

Visual - such as the sight of a certain image, a wave of the hand in a particular manner

Olfactory- such as the smell of a certain deodorant

Gustatory - such as the taste of salt water

How many times have you heard a song on the radio and your entire mood shifts. For me, Bon Jovi's "Living on a Prayer" takes me to unfathomable states of silly bliss, while Sunshine on my Shoulders does the opposite.

There is also a certain smell of garbage and body odor that reminds me fondly of New York City. If a person strokes my hair, I feel safe and happy. These are all associations that were created in a certain state, and so when repeated, can create that state again.

If you want to create an anchor for happiness, just think of a time when you felt extreme bliss overflowing your heart. Now blow that feeling up and make it twice as big. Now look at the art work on the right side of this blog. Now every time you look at that piece of art, you will feel bliss. Ha. Okay, here is a better one that you can do anywhere: when you feel that feeling of bliss, touch a spot or your body, or perhaps bring your finger and thumb together. Memorize the exact spot and pressure. Now when you want to feel that same feeling of happiness, perform the anchor and you will begin to notice that your state changes.

I do this with my yoga students all the time. I have them feel powerful and then when we do the keep-up exercise, I fire the anchor for power.

I had a huge realization today about anchors and care providers. I have been going to my midwife for well woman care since my daughter was born, and for some reason, every time I go into her office, I become emotional and cry. I saw her this week for my annual visit and I was actually feeling fine, but as she was talking to me, she dropped her voice tone a little bit, and when she did this, I completely fell apart. It took me two days of depression to realize that it is because she unintentionally triggered a state in me that was my state 4 1/2 years ago. It was a much more emotional, stressed out state than I am in now.

This was a huge revelation for me, because I loved her as a midwife, but now I see why I could not use her for a subsequent birth.

I have been thinking about the idea of orgasmic or ecstatic birth and what circumstances allow a woman to have that experience. Some people scoff at the idea of dimming the lights and bringing candles to a birth, but you can begin to see why details like that might matter. I am a huge home birth fan, but I can see why birthing centers or hospitals might be the best choice for some women. Perhaps their home has been broken into and doesn't feel safe. Maybe they have never been to a hospital for an illness and so don't associate it with sickness or emergency. On the other hand, if a woman does, what can she do to clear this association?

There are ways to clear anchors and give people the option of choice about how to feel in certain situations. One is meditation, if a woman is willing to do it--but there is another way that is quite rapid and would be a great tool for the doula or midwife or doctor to know how to use. I will teaching this and much more at a workshop I'll be publicizing soon.

I'd love to hear any experiences readers would like to share about this.

Imagery Meditation in the Scriptures

This weekend I got certified in Angels.

That means that I am a certified Therapeutic Imagery Facilitator in Angel Imagery. Which means that if my clients believe in angels or emissaries or anything like unto them, I can take them on imagery journeys using these powerful guides. Imagery is an amazing therapeutic tool for helping people move through changes, move through fear, connect with inner wisdom, take a step forward, etc. I loved the whole certification day because I got to hang out with angels, other people who love angels, and hear and share all the cool experiences we have had.

Of course, since we are at an accredited college of hypnosis, and everyone has their own unique beliefs, we don't get into specifics about God or angels. But no matter how many names you call them, it is still evidence to me that Heavenly Father is sending love to each and every one of his children in the ways that they are most prepared to understand at that moment. For some people it is a feather appearing in their hand or at their feet in an unlikely place, or a butterfly landing on their nose, dimes appearing on the ground every time you need reassurance. Others feel hands on their shoulders or see the same person who never ages appearing oddly out of nowhere at different times in their lives.

When you are in a state of hypnosis and on a semi-guided imagery journey, all the images and people and wise and loving somethings that come to a person and give them information or love are really images that come from the subconscious mind--or are they? In D&C 8:2, God says, "Behold, I will tell you in your mind and in your heart, by the Holy Ghost...."

After having several very spiritual experiences in the hypnosis, I realized that it is an ideal time for God to communicate with us, and that it can be a very powerful form of meditation. Right after the Angels certification, I was reading the "Effective Study" chapter of the Preach My Gospel manual under the subheading "Search, Ponder and Remember," and this practically levitated off the page at me:

"Visualize what you are studying. For example, imagine what it was like for Ammon to stand before the Lamanite king."

Visualize. It seems so obvious, but I don't usually read my scriptures this way. So I opened my scriptures and it happened to fall open to the Tree of Life vision. I read one verse at a time, guiding my self through an imagery journey, saturating all my senses. I imagined myself being guided through the forest till I saw the tree with the fruit that was whiter than anything earthly. Biting into that fruit I let my sense of taste and smell open up. It was indeed desirable to make one happy. Then I saw my family not far off, and I felt the feeling of longing for them to taste it....

Time warped in this state and 30 minutes felt like 5.

I don't think it was a coincidence that I opened to the Tree of Life vision, as the name of my hypnotherapy practice is Tree of Life Hypnosis.

The difference between guided imagery and semi-guided imagery, is that the latter allows clients to fill in the blanks with their own subconscious images and symbols that will be most powerful to them. While guided imagery can be powerful, it doesn't work for everyone. Not everyone wants to be told what this or that represents or how everything looks, because maybe in their imagination a peaceful place is not a beach, but a river or a mountain. So, for example, in a semi-guided imagery journey a person can ask an angel or inner guide to communicate exactly what they need to know in a way that they understand. Or perhaps 3 creatures (from any place or time, fantasy or reality) appear to them and give them an object of great significance. In this way, each person can have their own experience, which is much more powerful.

Only recently, did I realize that the scriptures are the like this. They don't read like a novel partially because brevity went well with engraving on metal plates, but maybe also because Heavenly Father knew that it would better allow each person to liken the scriptures unto themselves.

As a result of all this, I have decided to host several group semi-guided Angel journeys and Tree of Life imagery journeys in Los Angeles (City of the Angels) and in the Salt Lake area. I am also planning a very cool Re-birthing Workshop. Stay tuned for details on that.

Incidentally, since this is a blog about pregnancy, I have to mention that imagery is the most powerful hypnoanesthesia in the world. So when you go into labor, ask you husband or partner to tell you stories about the day he fell in love with you, or about your favorite place in nature--making sure to saturate all five your senses. Have him put his creative remembering cap on and describe for you how things looked, the colors, the details, the smells. Every woman knows the smell of her mate from 5 sweaty t-shirts. Have him talk about the taste in the air or the food, the sounds that were around--either from nature or the radio or the refrigerator. Have him help you imagine the feeling of his first touch against your skin, the feeling in your body, as you looked out over the sunset--or whatever.

This kind of hypnosis is transportive. As I said, time warps and it the most powerful hypnoanesthesea in the world. It will also revert you back to the honeymoon stage of your relationship, which is a great place to be when you welcome your new life.

Neoma's Birth Story

We have decided to start posting part or all of a birth story every week. The following story, sent to us by Neoma, was edited by my collaborator Busca, and the commentary at the beginning and end is from her. Also, if you didn't know what "parturient" means, in this case, it means the pregnant/laboring woman.

I recently had the privilege of teaching a “Birth Coach Boot Camp” for some expectant couples in my ward. Before showing them some hands-on ways to help their wives, I outlined for them some “Parturient Relations” or seven PR-tips for labor. One of those was “Priesthood.”

I told those dads, “Don’t forget that you have the power of the Priesthood for a purpose, and it can be one of your greatest gifts to your wife during labor. If complications or difficulties arise, do not assume there is nothing you can do. The power of the Priesthood can change the course of a difficult labor, bring about miracles, and help you make pivotal decisions.”

When I spoke those words, I was thinking of Neoma’s birth story. Although Neoma had hoped to avoid Pitocin, she consented to an induction because of concerns about her late pregnancy blood pressure. Labor progressed fairly well until Neoma reached 4-5 centimeters. She was restricted mostly to lying on her left side (because of her blood pressure) and in a great deal of pain. Here’s what happened next:

After hours of slow progress Dr. Blackham came back in. He expressed some concern about how slow things were going and suggested that we may have difficulty delivering this baby vaginally—the other option being cesarean. Somehow that scared me and relieved me. I didn’t know how I could go on. I felt like I was going to die. I told Jason that I really didn’t know how I was going to continue. . . . The only good news throughout this difficult part was that the baby’s heart rate was fine. There was never any urgency on account of the baby.

The next sequence of events is somewhat of a blur in my mind. At that lowest point I think I would have agreed to anything, so I’m really glad no one offered me an epidural. I know I didn’t want an epidural, but I didn’t see any other way out. That is when I needed Jason the most, and he was there for me.

He remembered that I had talked about wanting to sit on a birthing ball. He asked about it and our new nurse agreed to let me get out of bed. The birthing ball was comfortable and allowed me to sit in a squat-like position. The contractions were still intense—if anything they were more intense—but sitting up and swaying back and forth helped me cope with them.

Jason also suggested that he and Dr. Blackham give me a blessing. He spoke with the doctor, and together they gave me a blessing by the power of the Priesthood with Holy Anointing oil. I don’t really remember what they said, but in essence they blessed me that I would relax and the baby and I would both be safe and the birth would happen according to the Lord’s will.

Dr. Blackham has mentioned this blessing several times since Sam’s birth. He thanked Jason for thinking of it and for including him. He counts this as the turning point in my labor. This is where the miracle happened.

At some point while sitting on the birthing ball I threw up. Jason had been feeding me snacks at my request through the labor, and out they all came. I was glad to vomit. I had read that throwing up was a good sign in labor. It means that you’re in transition (the last stage before pushing).

Apparently sitting on the birthing ball helped the contractions be more effective, because I was soon at 8 centimeters dilation. Jason remembered that I had wanted to try the Jacuzzi. I had thought that I wouldn’t be allowed in the tub because my water was already broken, but the nurse said it was fine—I wish they would have told me that earlier. When I got tired of the ball I moved to a hot bath. I found that the hot water really helped me relax between contractions, but when a contraction came the heat was almost unbearable.

I wasn’t in the tub for very long before I felt the urge to push. The nurse and Jason helped me dry off. Then the nurse checked me and I was 10 cm – completely dilated! She said I could push if I wanted to. Boy did I want to. I really didn’t know how to push, but it felt so good to do something – to be so close to the baby being born. At that point all breathing patterns went out the window. I made all sorts of moaning sounds. I tried to keep them low, like a cow mooing, just like I had read in Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth.

The pushing went fast. . . . Before I knew it the baby just slimed right out. I was surprised. I remember being amazed at how when the baby came out the pain relief was instantaneous and complete. It was all gone and I felt wonderful—exhausted, but wonderful. Our baby was here. He was beautiful and perfect.

I remember reading Neoma’s story several months ago and being struck by how beautiful and simple the solution to her problem had been. I wondered how many couples would benefit from hearing her story and recognizing that they need not feel powerless in the midst of a childbirth complication. I also loved how Neoma’s labor illustrated so wonderfully the things that will facilitate childbirth. I’m sure it was no coincidence that the power of God enabled her to get out of bed (lying in bed is a fairly counter-productive place to labor) to spend time squatting and swaying on the birth ball and to relax in the tub—both wonderful methods of assisting labor progress. The power of the priesthood is real, and the Lord knows how to help us through whatever childbirth challenges we may encounter.

Blog Award

I just received an email from someone telling me I was the recipient of a 2010 Nursing Blog Award in the category of Pregnancy and Childbirth. The email invited me to put a badge on my blog letting everyone know I was a winner of this honor. I was sort of excited but kind of skeptical because I am a new blogger and my audience--well, we could call it niche. But after checking out the site and list of other winners, I think it is legit. At the very least it is cool to be counted among so many other great blogs. And I do get the nifty badge. My collaborator, Busca, was also a winner for her blog, Birth Faith.

Now for my acceptance speech.

I would like to thank all of The Gift of Giving Life readers--all my fabulous collaborators, and God for any behind the scenes clicking that got this blog in the top 1% of blogs reviewed. Yay.

Oh, and now that I know stuff like this exists, feel free to nominate TGOGL for other blog awards--especially if they involve all-expense-paid trips somewhere. I am happy to give a speech when I get there.

Random Personal Stuff

My Bunny Turns 4

My daughter turned 4 today. It is kind of crazy that four years have passed. Today I went to her preschool and read the kids a story and we donated the book in honor of her birthday. The kids all made her a crown--the coolest crown ever--and special book of drawings for her. She goes to a lovely orthodox Jewish preschool so they sang Happy Birthday to her in English and Hebrew and then her teacher and I lifted her up in the air in her chair four times for four years old. Then they had banana chocolate chip muffin cupcakes. What fun.

Breaking Up with God's Timetable (and then Getting Back Together)

It's hard to know where to start to explain all that I feel and why the unexplained urge to share. I am really a very private person, but here we go. Recently, I ended a relationship that was off an on for about 18 months. Break ups are usually not easy for me, even when I am the one that ends it. But I am feeling remarkably fine this time. Perhaps because I did most of my grieving last year, the first time we broke up. This time around, I went through the stages of loss much faster and with no broken toes. The thing that I had the hardest time with, however, was accepting God's timetable--again! Grieving the fact that I will not be moving forward and growing in a partnership and having any more babies any time soon. I have blogged about surrendering to God's time table before. Well, it turns out that even if you master the art of surrender once, it doesn't get any easier. I was just plain mad.

So I went to my hypnotherapist. We talked about this and he said something so obvious. He said, "Well, whether or not you accept God's time table, you are subject to it." Ha! Oh brother. This is what is so great about seeing a therapist. They state the obvious that you can't see. Then he put me into a deep hypnotic sleep and did some hypno-awesomeness on me and now I feel so completely relieved that God is in charge and not me. Whew. I also feel happy and energized and alive and like the good catch that I am.

So here is the next part.

Sharing DNA

I was talking to a pregnant friend of mine the other day and somehow it came up that she donated her eggs in college. I have never known anyone who donated their eggs, so I asked her a ton of questions about the procedure and all that. I think the biggest question I had, though, was, "Isn't it weird knowing that there could be kid out there that is yours."

In her case, she knew there was at least one successful pregnancy and child that had resulted from her donations (she donated several times and was selected by 5 couples). Her answer was interesting. She said, "I don't really think of myself as her mom. More like an aunt or something. I mean, it's only half my DNA. I didn't have any part in carrying or birthing the child or in choosing the partner or raising it."

This made sense to me. It is just DNA....Well, that brings up the whole nature/nurture question, but I won't even go there.

After that conversation, I couldn't get the thought out of my mind. I have great DNA and it is not being used right now. I'd hate to see it go to waste. I know how that sounds--conceited. While I have a healthy self-esteem, this was not conceit. It was more like the thoughts came straight from my DNA.

I read about egg donation online and found out more about what is involved. It doesn't sound like something fun. I dislike artificial hormones and medicalized anything. But I keep thinking about the people who would actually use an egg donor and how much they had already been through and would go through, just to carry and have a child. I am also thinking about how much more I could empathize with my hypnotherapy clients who come to me for fertility enhancement or pain management. The procedure for retreiving the eggs is a short surgery (maybe 30 minutes?) but it requires general anesthesia--which I wouldn't do--but if they would let me use hypo-anesthesia, I might actually consider donating.

When I have mentioned egg donation to people in the last week, people keep saying: "Oh yeah. You can make a lot of money doing that." This is a turn off. First of all. What is a lot of money? Maybe it might have seemed like a lot of money in college, but now, 5000 dollars is not that much. Not when you consider what you are doing. If I were to do it just for the money, I don't know if any amount would be enough.

One of the articles I read said that the donors who leave the healthiest (mentally) are those that think of it as a donation and not a money making scheme. So I have been considering it as if there were no money involved. I like it better that way. But the fact is there is some compensation. But then what do you do with money you made by sharing your procreative powers. It feels weird. You can't just pay bills with that money or buy a bunch of clothes. Would I put it in a college fund for my daughter? That feels weird, too. I'd probably take it and donate it.... But to whom?

This is all very crazy, and I still haven't made up my mind, but I am meditating on it. I would love to hear any thoughts or comments on all this.

Moving Through Fears - Meditations for Mental Balance

My last post on pet fears was meant to show that our fears are often misplaced, but from the comments I have been receiving, I realize that there are several issues that I need to address and several tools that I can share. I will try to do this coherently and concisely.

First of all, fear is the mind's way of trying to protect you. The mind has good intentions, but fear isn't always a true sign of danger. For example, if you see a curved stick in the path, you may immediately fear that it is a snake--until you realize that it is just a stick. But if it was a snake, you would be mentally and physically prepared--adrenaline would already be dumping into your bloodstream, constricting of various vessels and muscles will take place, and a number of processes that happen unconsciously when we feel fear. Fear can be our friend, so we don't want to take it away altogether from our consciousness.

The problem is, that the physical processes that go with fear inhibit labor, progression, expansion, etc. The big issue then is how to help women move let go of fear, especially if they have had a traumatic birth experience where there worst fears were realized. My collaborators and I have been discussing this issue for several months now and there are very few resources out there that are built into the medical model to help women with this. The midwifery model has more of this, but it varies greatly by care-giver.

As I have explained in detail in this post, in order to change what is an unconscious behavior, you must change it on an unconscious level--will power won't work.

There are several ways to change unconscious scripting including hypnotherapy, meditation, guided imagery and more. I am going to outline two that will help anyone dealing with fear or anxiety.

Meditation For Mental Balance.

I have taken this meditation from Gurmukh's book Beautiful, Bountiful, Blissful, but the technology came to her through Yogi Bhajan.

• Sit cross-legged in Easy Pose.
• You can play some mantra music or something meditative in the background. Set a timer for three minutes.
• Extend your arms out like wings, parallel to the ground.
• Begin flapping your hands rapidly as though flying furiously through the air. The action is from the wrists.
  
• Breath deeply and evenly. If you want you can close your eyes and roll them up the third eye point and use a silent mantra. A mantra really helps when it gets hard. I use Sat on the inhale and Nam on the exhale. Sat Nam means: I am truth. Truth is my identity.
  
• It looks like this:

About this meditation, Gurmukh says, "As yoginis we learn to create a neutral mind. Every negative thought is met with a positive thought."

As you are doing this your mind might tell you that your arms are going to fall off. When you think-- "I can't do this, it's too hard"--thank your negative mind for that protective thought, then replace it with a positive thought: "Yes I can. I am stronger than I have ever been in my whole life."

"That is the teeter-totter of the positive and negative mind.....Meditation takes us back to the neutral mind, the balance point on that teeter-totter, which is the mind we will birth from, and the mind we must operate from as mothers." (p. 54)

This meditation is also a keep-up exercise. We do this in yoga for three minutes to train the mind for power through an intense feeling. The lesson being that if you can do this for 3 minutes a 1-minute uterine wave is a piece of cake.

If you do this meditation for three minutes a day you will find your mental dialog subtly or dramatically changing. Every time I think a negative thought now, my mind automatically pops in a positive one without my even thinking about it. I.e. I'm so stupid--no I'm not, I'm actually really smart. This is so hard to do alone--but I'm not alone, I have tons of people supporting me. It's going to hurt--I can feel comfortable. I'm scared--I look forward to this challenge with joy.

Using Script to Change Our Unconscious Script

Did you know that handwriting is like a fingerprint--no two people have the same handwriting. Handwriting is also an ideomotor response, which means that by writing something out in your normal handwriting, you access the unconscious mind. This exercise is similar to the one above, but you will use handwriting.

Write out any fears and negative thoughts, and then immediately write out a positive thought to balance the negative. But don't spend too much time thinking. Write fast.

As a writer I have practiced what we call "freewriting" for years. This is where one sits down with a notebook and keeps writing for at least 10-15 minutes. By not allowing the pen to stop, you can get deeper into your creativity and turn off your critical mind. This produces a lot of nonsense, but also some brilliant stuff that otherwise wouldn't have surfaced. I would encourage you to do the same with this exercise. Just start writing. Don't let the pen stop. When you write a negative thought, follow it immediately with a positive.

If you do either of these exercises in the 30 minutes before bed you get an added benefit. The unconscious mind does a cool thing when you sleep. It is the reason we often don't change, but if we understand it, we can use it for change. Basically what happens every night is the mind tries to predict what will happen tomorrow. It does this based on what has happened today and yesterday and the day before. If fear has been the pattern, fear will continue. If you add an ounce of positivity for one night, you won't dilute the fear that much, but if you add an ounce every night for many nights, pretty soon, the balance tips. The muddy water becomes clear. By doing this right before sleep, the new messages have less time to get distorted.

Pet Fears

I just talked to my cousin today and I remembered how each pregnant woman has her own worst fear. For some it is that the shoulders will get stuck. For some it is tearing. Tearing was my worst fear until my yoga teacher said something in class one day. She said that vaginal tissue is much like mouth tissue in that is the fastest healing in the body. If you have ever had a cut in your mouth you know that it heals in almost a day and leaves no trace. That gave me great relief. I did end up tearing, but never felt it. Thanks to a good sewing job (that is key) and 40 days taking it easy at home, I was completely healed by my 6 week appointment. By that I don't mean I was about to have sex or use a tampon, but it didn't hurt when my midwife stuck her fingers in there and used gentle pressure on the north, south, east and west coordinates to see if I had any discomfort.

"Does this hurt? Does this hurt? Does this hurt? Does this hurt?" she asked.

My replay was "No, but it is freaking me out."

I would love to hear how you cleared your pet fears or how they turned out not to be a big deal. This is for you Wendy. xoxo

Emergency One-Minute Meditation for Patience

I have been getting a lot of requests for more information on meditation, so I will be posting some different examples and suggestions for meditation soon. I may also enlist a few guest posters to post their experiences or suggestions for getting started. So if you want to do a guest post, let me know.

Today, I thought I'd share a quick emergency meditation. This one is especially great for moms. When you need patience or a calm voice and you aren't sure if you can muster it, do this meditation and you will feel an immediate difference.

Here's how to do it:

Make a fist with both hands. Extend the Saturn finger (middle finger) on both hands. Interlock the middle fingers in front of your heart. Pull on the fingers as if you are trying to pull them apart. Pull hard. Almost to the point where you are shaking, but without hurting yourself. Close your eyes and look up at the point between your eyebrows--your third eye point. This is the seat of your intuition--the pituitary gland. Inhale and exhale deeply. Make sure to keep your shoulders down and relaxed. Focus only on the breath for 1 minute. Feel your aura changing as you breathe.

Open your eyes and smile.

You can do this at traffic lights, at work, school, church, wherever. If someone sees you, they might wonder what you are doing, but people don't usually bother you when you have your eyes closed and are breathing deeply. If your kids see you doing it, they might say, "What are you doing Mom? What are you doing Mom? What are you doing Mom?" like my daughter did last week. Since I was doing a meditation for patience in dealing with her, I thought this would only drive me crazier, but as I continued to breathe, ignoring her, I only found it humorous. When I opened my eyes after about 1 minute, I saw that she had stopped talking and was attempting to copy me. So cute.