I was once in a stake conference and I heard my stake president say that as a spouses, your number one priority is to make your spouse happy. I had heard him say that before. But this time, he explained it a bit more, and said something to this effect: "Making your spouse happy means more than just doing things to make him/her happy. It means creating an environment in which they can thrive and be happy." I didn't hear anything after that because that's when I went inside and started processing. I was in a loving relationship at the time and though my boyfriend had almost all of the qualities I wanted in a partner and he did many things to make me happy, I knew that the environment he created was not one in which I could thrive and fulfill my life mission, and thus have true joy. This was huge epiphany.
I was thinking of this again today as I contemplated what I look for in friends, colleagues, employees, collaborators, etc. For me it comes down to a subtle energy exchange. Do I feel drained, or do I feel energized? If I were to try to explain further I might use adjectives like openness, acceptance, and belief. If a friend, or even a stranger, were to tell me they are going to swim the channel, write a book, or have their baby with dolphins, I hope that I would say hooray!--and if I could, I'd try to help them achieve it. I believe that whatever the mind can dream up, it can achieve. I try to surround myself with friends would do the same for me. Although the occasional naysayer serves their purpose to inspire me, I don't want to spend too much time around them.
I hope that as you contemplate the environment you plan to give birth in that you consider this. What kind of people and surroundings will allow you to thrive and have a positive experience? How supportive is everyone on your team? Is there anyone you feel uncomfortable with? You don't have to be able to explain why. It's never to late to change care providers, hire a doula, or decide to un-invite a friend. (you can always not call them when you go into labor--say it went too fast.) Just follow your intuition--which is just another word for Spirit. You can never go wrong in doing this.
I would love to hear comments from readers about how you followed your intuition.
Excellent thoughts. It is so important to be surrounded by the right people at birth. I was talking with a doula client this past week and it was so refreshing that she truly understood what this meant for her. Although her husband will not be there (he will be deployed outside the country) she knew who she would need to surround herself for this birth even though it would not be her ideal. I have never been to a birth withouth the husband there and I am very interested to see how things play out. I realize I will have an even more important role in creating a protective and safe space for her to welcome this child. So I really appreciate these thoughts. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteWonderful post! With my most recent birth which was a VBAC, I had many times where I had to follow the Spirit aka my intution:) Before I got pregnant I was fiercly planning everything down to the doula and health care provider I would hire. I wanted the best of everything out there so that I would be successful, and I figured the ones I had chosen in my head were "it". I ended up not hiring the doula that I pretty much assumed I would HAVE to have for my birth, and I hired someone else. I also switched providers at 27 weeks from an OB to a midwife group. Both actions were prompted by feelings that I couldn't really explain, and I wasn't sure why at the time. Turns out the doula I would have hired went off the deep end with some personal issues which she allowed to negatively effect her clients. As for the OB that I originally hired and liked, she was on call M-F and every 3rd weekend, and I happened to have my baby on a weekend which gave me a 2 in 3 chance of ending up with one of her unsupportive on call docs. I'll never know for sure what exactly would have happened if I didn't follow through with those prompting, but I'm so grateful that I did:)The birth team that I ultimately chose was amazing, and just what I needed. They were my angels through my birth experience and I wouldn't have had it any different.
ReplyDeleteLOVE this post! You're blowing my mind with this epiphany : )
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if it is simply the miracle of the creative power, but I feel that much more intuitive while I'm pregnant--- everything from dreams to "random" thoughts are nearly always a sign of things to come. I love feeling so connected with the Lord, our baby and myself. As you mentioned, this highly creative time also makes me extra sensitive to negative energy, no matter how subtle. There was someone I was unsure I should have at my latest birth, and socially it may have seemed inappropriate to un-invite her. For a few weeks I was uneasy about it. But after prayer, I was given peace that the labor would be too swift for her to arrive in time, which indeed it was. She arrived after, which is when I really needed her anyway.
Anyway, this post is so spot on. Thank you for writing!
Wow... that pic. Wow.
ReplyDeleteLove this:
ReplyDelete"It means creating an environment in which they can thrive and be happy."
I am so blessed to have a husband like that and many friends like that too. I have had others in the more energy draining camp and I limit my exposure to them. :)
The picture is pretty telling. I am continually amazed at the amount of technology (phones, laptops) are in use at births I attend.