Sunday, February 13, 2011

Feeling Like a Mom

After I had my baby and my forty days of rest, I remember the first few times I ventured out on a short errand without her. It was the strangest feeling. I lost my baby weight quickly and so when I went into the store or the bank, I felt like no one knew I was a mother. And I didn't like that. I wanted to shout out to everyone "I just had a baby!" so they would all know. I felt so strange without her. She had become a part of my identity so quickly, and yet, at other times, I would look at her in disbelief when I realized that I was her mother. There were even a few times when I forgot--for a nano-second--that I had a child. "Oh my goodness. I have a baby," I'd say out loud and run to her room to look at her.

Now she's almost 5 and I'm trying to pick a kindergarten. Eek! But even though I have been a mom for that long, I don't feel like my mom, or rather how I imagine my mom felt being a mom. In some ways I think of Phoebe as my sidekick. I take her to plays, book signings, the beach, fondue parties. She went surfing with me for the first time when she was 2 years old. Also, we're not a traditional two parent family, so in that way I don't feel like my mom, but today I had an totally motherly moment.

I decided to make Phoebe a scarf for Valentines Day. She picked out some purple puffy yarn a month ago and it was just sitting there, so I went for it. I don't crochet at all. Really. Not at all. But luckily the yarn was forgiving so I basically just used the hook to tangle it up in a shape that resembled a scarf. As I sat there crocheting I felt a motherly spirit superimposed on mine and I felt very much the picture of motherhood as I sat there in all my zen crocheting goodness. I laughed in my own self-consciousness of it, but it felt nice. Maybe because I don't sit for very long like that anymore unless I am at the computer or doing hypnosis.

Though I am a mom all day, every day, for the rest of my life, I think it's interesting the things that make me "feel like a mom."

What makes you feel like a mom?


  1. I remember walking to the mailbox soon after my second was born last summer. My older daughter was walking beside me, and I was carrying my baby. I had that moment- "Wow, I feel like a real mom now." I think it was because I had two & trying to juggle that.

  2. That's funny! I thought I was the only one. I often tell my husband, "I don't feel like a mom! I just feel like a girl who happens to have a baby." Every now and then I have those moments where I think, "Hey, I feel like a mom right now!" Yesterday when I was actually BAKING cookies, not breaking them apart premade, for the first time in my life with my husband talking to me in the kitchen while holding our baby girl, I felt like a mom. And I told him! I said, "Hey look! I'm baking cookies and being a mom!"

  3. Changing diapers to make it fun for baby, crocheting items for a child!, teaching one to read, trying to teach the finer points of home maintainance... and, I'm sure lots of other things I can't think of right now. My eldest is 6, then 4, then 2, and due very soon with #4... but I certainly remember being surprised and reminding myself about baby #1, 2, 3, (and even this one before s/he started moving around in there)! ^_^ Funny how that happens EVERY time so far!!!

  4. Sometimes I forget I'm pregnant. How I don't know since I'm pretty uncomfortable now at the tail end of the pregnancy. I can imagine I'll forget I'm a mom too sometimes. Nice to know I'm not the only one...

  5. For me the first time I felt like a Mom was when Thing 1 was in the NICU and my friends came to see him. I brought him over to the window and as they were admiring him I realizes, I am a MOM! He is MINE!

    Now that he is 13, he isn't quite MINE. But I am still a MOM!

  6. You are a good mom, and I like your blog. Great pic, too!



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