Birthing Time Prayers

I have been editing the semi-final manuscript of this book for days now, getting it ready to deliver to the final editors. After coming up from a 3 hour reading jaunt, I felt I must eat some home-made toaster oven pizzas. I don't think this was a spiritual prompting. Just thought I'd mention that I like comfort food sometimes, too.

Anyway, I realized that in gestating a book, this is the home stretch. In fact, this book has shown up symbolically as a baby many times in my imagery journeys. (In the end of these journeys I often put said baby on an altar.) In all the stories I have been reading (and re-reading) every woman has a different experience at this final stage in labor, some feel tired, many feel elation, but what I noted in most of the stories is that there is an increased outpouring of prayer, faith, and focus during this time. And so why would the book be any different. I realized that I need to get down on my knees more, meditate more, fast, and invite the peace of Jesus Christ to fill my home as I do this final push.

I also feel like I need to ask for others to pray for us. For me and my collaborators and everyone else in anyway affiliated with bringing this book to be. Our families would be most grateful for your prayers.

Birth Story - Prayer and the Lord's Tender Mercies

This story was sent to us by Shelene Westover. I grew up with Shelene when she had a different last name and so I was surprised to hear from her. It's strange how people you knew way back when aren't allowed to age in your mind. I still thought of her as much younger than me. Then I read her story and I realized just how much we all go through in the process of "growing up." It breaks my heart for all the little ones. And yet. They chose it. We chose it. Shelene's story is a good example of where we can turn for peace.

When my husband first started having health difficulties, I was four months pregnant with our second child. At the time, it all seemed to happen so slowly, but in retrospect, it really flew past us. Before we knew it, we learned we were expecting a boy and then learned that my husband was in need of a bone marrow transplant. We felt confident and positive throughout the process and even up until the day he died, we were optimistic. Now I look back and see that may have actually been denial. I suddenly found myself a single mother of a 21 month old daughter and a soon to be born son. Never before had my prayers been so sincere as they were that summer. I couldn't understand why Heavenly Father would take a good, hard working father from a happy family, and I can't say that I understand now either. However, through this I knew that I needed my Heavenly Father more than anything and he was the only comforter I could find solace with now. People were so kind and loving, but the only one who could bring me comfort was the Lord. I knew where I could turn for peace and He was always there. It was in these trying times that I was humbled and blessed by my Heavenly Father.

I was given so much advice from caring people, but also, people who had no idea what I was going through. One person gave me a book about a woman who was in a similar situation as I was. In this woman's book, she recounted several experiences where she saw and even had conversations with her late husband. This gave me hope, and I kept waiting for my turn to have an experience like hers. I never did have an experiences like hers, but I did have an experience that my Heavenly Father knew was what I needed. In the last moments of labor and pushing, I suddenly came to a realization that my late husband was there, I could feel his hand on my arm, and I could feel his presence in the room. I knew if I turned my head to look, I wouldn't see him, but I didn't need to see him. I could feel him, and that was good enough for me. In that bittersweet time of my life, my Heavenly Father blessed me.

Breastfeeding Struggles

I will say no more than to just publish this beautiful story as it was submitted to us by Julie Mills.

To start I have always struggled with nursing my children (we have 5). However, nursing has always been very important to me. So when my daughter was born (she’s our 4th) it was no surprise to have some struggles in the hospital. It was typical so I didn’t think that much about. By the time we got home it was getting harder and harder and more painful. I began to see why it was getting worse. My first three kids are boys and now we had this little girl. Well, her mouth was much smaller than her brothers had been. Her mouth was too small to be able to latch on properly. This is because I am (unfortunately) very large busted and so she just simply couldn’t do it. By the time I finally figured this out, I was in tons of pain every time she tried nursing. My face would just run with tears. She and I were both upset and struggling. I began bleeding every time and when she would let go, she would have blood around her mouth and that of course just made me cry more and feel like I was failing her.

We went to see the doctor because we were afraid I was going to develop mastitis. The doctor let me know that I was fine. He then told me that it’s no big deal not to nurse and that I should just give up and not worry about it. Well that wasn’t going to work for me. I got a really good pump and began pumping for her. I pumped and pumped and pumped. I pumped everything she ate. I kept a log of how much milk I pumped, what she ate and how much I had in reserve. I also had a system to make sure the milk was being rotated properly.

My family and I prayed and prayed that Elise would be able to nurse. After a couple of weeks and then months, I pretty much gave up on that idea and just accepted the fact that she wasn’t going to. I would try from time to time to get her to nurse, but she didn’t like it. It would just make her mad. My oldest son Jake (he was 5 ½ at the time) was not willing to give up. He continued to pray. He was very faithful about praying for us everyday.

There were some blessings I gained from pumping. My husband David was able to help feed his little girl. He really enjoyed taking part in this. The boys also enjoyed in helping out their new little sister. I think it helped them realize how special she was. They are so close to her and absolutely adore her! She really, really looks up to them a lot. Also it forced me to be more organized. Pumping to that degree takes a lot a time and so I needed to be very careful with my time. Plus my milk supply is very sensitive. If I missed a pumping or was more than 15-20 minutes off my schedule, I could see the effects of it the next day. So this experience really taught me several things.

Then one day when Elise was about 4 ½ months old, David asked me if I had tried nursing her lately. I said no, because I had just accepted that I was going to pump and that nursing wasn’t going work. Now, like I said, Jake would not give up on praying for us. He was very diligent. David encouraged me to go ahead and try one more time. So I did… and she took right to it!!! I couldn’t believe it. My little girl was 4 ½ months old and started nursing. To us it was a miracle and a true answer to prayer! I am so incredibly grateful that Jake never gave up! After that, she and I had no more struggles with nursing. But I did have one other problem… I had 432 ounces of breast milk stocked up in my freezer!

Bending the Will of God

A few weeks ago my neighbor, who is a theology professor at a local private university, asked me what I thought the purpose of prayer was. I told her the standard answer. Something like: God knows what we want already, but we have to show faith by asking.

"Yeah, yeah," she said. "That's the standard answer. But do you think it possible to bend the will of God?"

I had to think about that one for a while, but the next day I remembered the story of Joseph Smith and the loss of the 116 page manuscript. For anyone who doesn't know the story, you can read it here. Basically, Joseph goes to Lord several times to ask for permission to do something and the answer is no. After the third time or so, the Lord finally says okay, but gives him some strict conditions.

When I was younger I really liked this story because it taught me what I had been hoping all along: if you bugged high powers long enough, you could sometimes get them to change their mind. It wasn't till much later that I realized there was more to it.

As we all know, the results of Joseph's decision were bad. Those 116 pages, which contained the book of Lehi, were lost and God would not allow them to be re-translated (for reasons we can speculate about but don't totally know), but amazingly, God already had a back-up plan (or maybe the real plan. Who knows?). A back up plan that he had put into place almost 2400 years prior. In 1 Nephi 1:17, Nephi says:

"But I shall make an account of my proceedings in my days. Behold, I make an abridgment of the record of my father upon plates which I have made with mine own hands; wherefore, after I have abridged the record of my father then will I make an account of mine own life."

For some reason Nephi was inspired to make an abridgment of his father's record. He didn't know why, but he trusted there was a wise purpose behind it. I have to remind myself that this was not an easy task. Making plates out of ore and engraving them takes a lot more time than journaling in ballpoint on the perfect bound journals that arrive to me in the mail bulk from Amazon.

I like to plan ahead for some things, hence the ordering in bulk, but this blows my mind. 2400 years ahead of time, God was planning ahead so that the Book of Mormon would not start en medias res.

So, while this story illustrates that we may be able to bend the will of God on occasion, it will never frustrate His plan. "Remember remember that it is not the work of God that is frustrated, but the work of men."(D&C 3:3)

So is it wrong to keep asking God for something? No. In fact, in the Parable of the Widow and the Magistrate, which Jesus tells in Luke 18:1-9, He is instructing us to persist in asking for what we know is right. If we do this, we will be blessed.

How does this all relate to pregnancy and birth? I have some ideas, but I'd like to hear yours.

Valerie's Story

Valerie Christiensen sent me an amazing story of 5 births and a miscarriage. I have included some of it here:

Why she chose natural childbirth (abridged version):

"I sensed there was a lesson in fully participating in the creation process and that, if I was having a normal, healthy birth, I should not numb myself in any way from what I knew would be a very painful experience, just as I try to face the trials and pain of life as a whole.

"As I prepared to do this, I trusted that God gave me the power to create and he would give me the power to give birth."

Her first birth:

"My first child, Benjamin, took me seven years, two bouts of induced menopause, five surgeries and the power of temple blessings to finally conceive. My babymaker had been medicalized to the max, and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that, aside from spiritual reasons, I simply did not want my birth to be just another procedure in a long line of procedures. I prepared heavily, read extensively and took an excellent childbirth education class (the overarching lesson was, first, you can do this and second, always expect the pain to get worse). I hired a doula. I prayed about having a homebirth and got a “no,” so I planned a hospital birth, complete with all the annoying birth plans and policy waivers.

"So, I labored at home for almost seven hours, spent time in a hot bath until my doula begged me to get out and leave, drove the mile to the hospital in full transition (speed bumps are evil) and was in my hospital room all of 10 minutes before I started pushing—and there he was—a gorgeous blond, blue-eyed 6 lbs, 13 oz. He ended up having severe hypoglycemia and needed the NICU for five days, which explained the “no” on the homebirth. Other than that, it was an utterly transcendent, enlightening, highly spiritual experience.

"That day, I found that mystical “Laborland” and realized that yes, I really was made to do this. I had never experienced pain like that, but also felt the powerful work my body was doing which that pain represented. I learned a fundamental spiritual lesson in Ben’s birth—that submission and trust in God are not just the keys to labor, but the keys to life."

Valerie went on to have another natural birth in the hospital that wasn't as easy (hospitals don't make it easy for people who don't do it their way), a heartbreaking stillbirth at 5 months gestation, a miscarriage, a beautiful home water birth and a true emergency c-section at 29 weeks with her last child. What I loved most about Valerie's succession of stories is that for each of them, she prayed and then listed to the answers. When she was pregnant with her last child, Lucy, she was going for another home birth, but felt prompted at 27 weeks to switch to an OB. Thank heaven she listened.

Here are some of her thoughts on the whole birthing saga.

"The blessings of medicine are not lost on me. I have so much gratitude that I live in a time where her survival was not a matter of if she’d live, but just how long it would take to get her ready to come home (answer: nine weeks). There is such an important place for everything the interventionist medical world has to offer. There is no better place to be for complications, injury and illness—circumstances where intervention is clearly necessary. I simply suggest that a normal healthy birth is not any of these, but an entirely different process, where outside intervention may often hurt more than help.

"I can think of no better way that we as women can fill the measure of our creation. I hope that as LDS women, we seek to make our birth experiences truly sacred, where our heart is laid open before the Lord and we can discover all He is able to teach us."

I plan to publish Valerie's complete stories in my book. Thanks to everyone who has sent me your stories. They are riveting. I can still use more. I haven't had an twin or breech stories yet, but I know they are out there.