Kelsey's Story

Kelsey F sent me her story several weeks ago and has agreed to let me share it here. It is a great example of how preparation can melt away fear. Kelsey had her baby at home in Provo, Utah (she says it is a good thing she didn't scream because she lives in a duplex). I hope you enjoy her story as much as I did.

"Like most people in our society, I grew up with a “healthy” dose of fear surrounding birth and motherhood. It wasn’t just the television shows where a woman in an ugly hospital gown yells “you did this to me!” that perpetuated this fear. It seemed from my perspective that jokes and complaints about the difficult nature of kids, and the pain of birth, was a sort of sport among adult conversations whenever the topic came up. The beauty and joy of motherhood seemed a topic reserved for young women’s lessons that came up every couple of months or so. Even so, I found it interesting that for all the talk of the divinity of womanhood that sex, birth, and breastfeeding still were treated like embarrassingly taboo subjects.

"So it happens that when my husband and I had a pregnancy scare, I spent my time trying to decide if my need for an epidural would outweigh my fear of needles. Nobody talked about any alternative choices. That probably would have been the extent of my research if the pregnancy hadn’t turned out to just be a case of newlywed “where-is-my-period!?” paranoia. The shock of realizing I could have had a child without knowing anything about it sent me on an information hunt that eventually revealed the option of natural birth.

"The things I researched made sense to me in every way. Logically, emotionally, and spiritually I felt that there was a better way to birth than what society assumes is necessary.

"I wondered why, if we were made in the image of God, would so many women need delivery by surgery? Why would so many of us need inductions and drugs and tools just to do what we were divinely appointed to accomplish? Would God give all of us broken bodies? Of course there would always be some emergencies and some complications, but why were so many women “needing” them now when not so many years ago they didn’t even exist. Didn’t Eve, Sarah, Elizabeth, and Mary all give birth without Pitocin?

"Why do we no longer trust in God, but in the arm of flesh? We see every pregnancy and every birth as dangerous and life threatening. Our decisions are guided by fear and worry. I just don’t believe that God would make one in three women faulty to the point of being unable to birth. Yet one in three births is a cesarean.

"I felt quite drawn to natural birth, and became obsessed with it three years before I would even experience it. I feel like this was an important time for me to cleanse my feelings and emotions toward birth. I believe that being spiritually, emotionally, and mentally prepared has made all the difference than if I had given birth before this process of self-discovery.

"Our son was ready and excited to come into this world. We talked about “not trying and not preventing to see what happens.” We talked about how we’d let Heavenly Father decide when the right time was to send us a baby. We expected it to take several months at least. The very next month I got a positive pregnancy test.

"I had a wonderful pregnancy. I feel like working through my doubts and fears also helped me avoid being more physically ill than I could have been. I would attribute my lack of sickness and pain partially to being blessed with good genes, but more importantly to feeling positive about my upcoming birth and about motherhood. I always felt worse physically when I was more worried or stressed. I truly believe that the spirit and body are connected and influence each other greatly. In any case, I couldn’t credit any particular diet or exercise program as I didn’t exercise and probably ate worse than was wise.

"It was also important to me to select the right midwife. I interviewed a few midwives that just didn’t feel like a good fit emotionally or spiritually. When I found Sherri, I knew she was interested in me as a person and had the Spirit with her. We were more in-tune with each other than any one else I had interviewed. I was comfortable giving birth with her.

"When I was in my 36^th week, I decided it was time to document my pregnancy. I felt big and beautiful. I planned on making a belly cast and doing a pregnancy photo shoot. It was Thursday the 17^th of September that I went to get a new hair cut for the pictures I planned to take on Saturday. They were never taken.

"The very next morning at 1:00 AM my water broke. I called my midwife and we rechecked my dates. I was at 36 and a half weeks—barely far enough along for Sherri to feel comfortable attending a home birth. If I had gone into labor the day before we would have been in the back-up hospital instead. My son came at the earliest time possible while still allowing me to labor at home.

"My husband and I were both nervous about going into labor before term. However, as we talked it over, a feeling of calmness came over me. I told him that Sherri was willing to let me labor at home as long as the stats stayed good. I also said that even if we had to transfer I was grateful for the technology available, and I knew that everything would be okay, even if it wasn’t my preferred way to birth. I also felt like I would have a good experience regardless of where I ended up. I knew I had done my part, and trusted the Lord to do his.

"The contractions came on hard and fast. They varied between 2 minutes and 5 minutes apart and generally lasted around a minute. We asked Sherri and Melissa, my doula, to come as quickly as things seemed to be getting quite intense. Sherri later told me that as she got in her car and said a prayer that she knew she was going to be a part of something special.

"I spent most of my time in the bathtub holding my husband’s and doula’s hands and trying to cover my belly in the shallow water. I couldn’t fill it very high without using all the hot water. I had hoped for a water birth, and was waiting for Sherri to bring a birth pool. I wanted to make sure we had enough warm water to fill it.

"She came at 4:35 AM and I climbed out of the tub for a check. I was nearly complete! Because we didn’t have time for the pool, we set up a birthing stool in the living room instead. I sat down and, after only four and a half hours of labor, at 5:37 in the morning my sweet, eager little boy was born. He was 6 pounds, 13 ounces, and absolutely perfect. I am thankful to have been able to birth naturally in the comfort of our own home.

"We were blessed not to have any complications with him, even at three and a half weeks early. I know the Heavenly Father was with me, and I know that I was so very blessed. I also know that birth can be normal, simple, and even easy if it is the Lord’s will. I learned that with birth as with every other challenge, it’s important to prepare ourselves, do our part, fear not, and leave the rest up to God."

Guest Post from Natalie Willes - Giving Birth in NYC

Manhattan Temple

My mother was raised in Argentina with 14 siblings. Her mother gave birth with a real, live midwife. I don't mean to say that the midwife I used was not "real," but the woman that delivered my mother was probably not educated at the Columbia College of Nursing.

When my mother was pregnant with my sister in 1974, things (in Argentina) were as bad, or worse, than they are now. My mother was overdue with my sister and was forced to enter the hospital 9 days before she gave birth. From what my mom recalls, they pretty much also forced her to stay in her bed. When she did finally go into labor, the nurses wouldn't let her move from the bed (no epidural, just Pitocin). All my mom wanted was to use the bathroom to pee, but they wouldn't let her. She finally got so fed up she got up and waddled to the bathroom, shut the door and started to pee. My sister finally dropped into the birth canal and was born shortly thereafter.

My mom came to the US in 1982, and in 1984 gave birth to me. During her pregnancy they discovered she had a heart arrhythmia. I only learned a few weeks ago that the doctor called her each day for the 10 days before I was finally born to remind her that she had missed her inducement date. Of all the things my mom has accomplished, this is something that gives me particular pride. There's a certain gravitas necessary that, sadly, most woman lack to essentially say to their doctor, "F you, I'll come in when I'm in labor." It never ceases to amaze me that doctors can make a woman come in to be induced. I hope I'm never in that situation, because I think I'd probably say something to the effect of, "No thank you. I understand that you won't be able to attend my birth unless I come in to be induced at XYZ time. I'm sure the doctor on call will be able to take good care of me. I really appreciate your help up until now." Then, I would wait until I was in the pushing stage before I drove to the hospital.

These were the only birth stories I knew about growing up. I think I thought those were different times and that I would have a modern, medicated birth, and hey, why don't you throw in a c-section while you're at it?

I believe Felice moved into my ward when I was about 16 years old. I have always, always looked up to her. To this day she is probably the single most inspirational individual I personally know. When I learned she had successfully given birth using the hypnobirthing method (I was away at college at the time) I instantly gravitated to it, probably because she did it and I wanted to do it, too.

In October of 2006 I miscarried at 7 weeks and didn't try to become pregnant again until my husband and I moved to NYC. When I first moved to the City, I hated it. My feelings have not really warmed towards Manhattan, but they have become more bearable. I think the two major problems I have are: 1) I am so far away from my family, and 2) The entire city suffers from too many people and not enough space or resources. I became pregnant about 5 months after I moved here, and I had a close friend who had almost succeeded in having a natural child birth who was very supportive of my natural birth ideas. This friend had conceded in having a c-section after 30 hours of labor. In retrospect she felt that had she had the support of her husband and birthing companions she would've been stronger in rejecting the doctor's repeated proposals for a c-section.

Around that same time I also had lunch with a friend who had given birth the "regular" way at the hospital I was going to use. She told me that her labor was "typical" in terms of interventions, but it was her recovery that was supremely traumatic. There is not a single hospital on the entire island of Manhattan that has single recovery rooms, which means you have a roommate - and all her visitors - for your entire hospital stay. If you try to leave before the mandatory 48 hour stay for vaginal, 72 hour for c-section because of how terrible the conditions are, they will sign you out Against Medical Advice, which means if you suffer any problems related to your child's birth, your insurance will not cover your care.

Anyway, my friend gave birth and could feel nothing because of her epidural. No one is allowed to stay with you after visiting hours, so once 8:30 pm rolled around, her husband left. About an hour later her epidural wore off. That's when her problems began. Her roommate had already tried calling the nurse to no avail and her request for help were also unanswered. It was her first birth and my friend had no idea how to take care of herself. The nurse had left her a basket of the typical accouterments necessary to take care of oneself after birth, but had not explained how to use any of the items. Because no one answered her call to the nursing station, and because she still couldn't safely walk, she had to call her sister in Utah, and ask her how to use everything.

As she recalled her story, I sort of felt sick to my stomach, kind of the way I would feel if a woman recounted her sexual assault. I honestly felt she had been violated. She must have felt the same way because she said that the next time around she was giving birth at the Birthing Center. "What's The Birthing Center, I asked?"

The Birthing Center is the only traditional birthing center in the area. It is located on the 11th floor of the St. Luke's-Roosevelt Hospital, 59th St. Besides being physically located at the hospital, the only other connection this Center has to a traditional hospital setting is that it is extremely easy to be "risked" out of giving birth there (just about anything will get you risked out such as anemia, twins, Strep B positive, etc.) Other than that, it is as if nearly every medical professional in the region has washed their hands of the Center. There is no pain medication available. If you require an epidural you have to go to the normal labor and delivery floor.

It is extremely challenging to actually be allowed to give birth at the Center. In the first place, the Center requires your doctor or midwife be present from the moment you check in until you give birth. That fact alone removes almost every OB-GYN in NYC, because no doctor wants to be tied to one patient for their entire birth without being able to hurry it up. Ergo, there is a tiny, itty bitty handful of providers associated with the Center. Then, you have to have the type of insurance these providers take. THEN, and this is probably the biggest barrier, you have to convince them to take you. I only had one provider who accepted my insurance who worked with the Birthing Center. One.

I called when I was four weeks pregnant and was told, "sorry, we're already booked." I was flabbergasted. How could they be booked? How can there be that many women who even know they are pregnant? I ended up calling back a few days later and by the grace of Heavenly Father got through and got some uninformed front desk person to make me an appointment. I was in! It turns out that the midwife team I was using had one member on maternity leave. Anyway, every time I went to a visit I had to wait between 90-145 minutes to be seen. Just another thing about living in New York where there are too many people for too few resources.

Thankfully, the rest of my pregnancy and delivery went very much as planned. I was able to stay in the birthing center, but had to be prepared to fight ever step of the way. I had to be extremely proactive and informed, and I had to stand up for myself.

I can think of five women that I know here who would have never considered natural child birth were it not for the atrocious conditions involved in giving birth in the regular hospital setting in NYC. They have heard the story of the 1st counselor in the bishopric's wife who recovered in the hallway behind a make shift tent made out of a sheet, and of the other sister who did a majority of her labor in the waiting room with 30 other laboring women because there were no beds available for her. There was the story of the third time mom [in your ward] who felt so bad for her roommate (who had a terrible birth) that she walked her roommate's baby up and down the hall so her roommate could rest because the nurse was no where to be found.

Another woman in our ward didn't know her water had broken, so by the time she reached the hospital, she had been in labor for about 24 hours. Because she had hit the magic 24 hour number, the doctors pumped her and her baby full of antibiotics and were legally required to keep her son at the hospital for 7 days. But there was no room for her, so she had to stay in a hotel next to the hospital and have her husband wheel her back and forth in a wheel chair every three hours to nurse around the clock. (She was unable to walk because she had a c-section.) All And these are just the few stories I know from our ward. There are millions of women in this city.

It is no wonder that women who would have never even considered natural child birth are realizing that their recoveries will be much more traumatic and painful than any pain endured during child birth. I have known women who have been risked out of the birthing center move back to their home towns and stay with their parents for a month prior to their due dates so they could have a chance at the birth they wanted.

Spreading the word about the joys and benefits of natural childbirth is like a missionary effort for me. Once the door is open in someone's heart to consider natural child birth, I can tell them all the wonderful things that come with it. I can tell them that they can do it, because I did it. I can tell them how empowered I felt and how great I felt afterward. Not only that, but I had a private room with my baby, my husband stayed with me, and we checked out when we wanted, about 24 hours later.

Incidentally, I talked to that friend who first told me about the birthing center after she had her second baby there. "How was it?" I asked her. "Did you do hypnobirthing? What did you do to prepare for natural birth?"

"Nothing," said said. "I just did it."

My mom says the same thing. I have thought about this a lot since then. I think that many of us, when we chose to go against the current way of doing things, need classes and months of preparation and affirmations just to unlearn all the fears and negative thinking about birth. Don't get me wrong, preparation is not something I recommend going with out--but in her case, there was just no other option in her mind. She didn't going in saying, I'm going to try to do it naturally this time. She just did it. I think making up our minds is a bigger part of it than we know.

Natalie and Olive

Thanks for this post, Natalie. It is sad that it takes horror stories or bad experiences to motivate women to take charge of their births, but I don't judge how one gets to natural birth, so long as they do. I am so glad that your friend had a better birth the next time.

Having lived (and loved living) in New York City, I feel for the women there on a personal level. I am a huge home birth fan, but knowing the city, I also know that home births aren't always the ideal they would be elsewhere (homes are often very small, have almost no amenities, and are in extremely close proximity to everyone else). I had a fantasy last night about a dreamy, five-star LDS birthing center in Manhattan, (on the floor above the temple--wouldn't that be fantastic?) that took women of all faiths but gave preference to LDS women. Of course, it would still be booked and if you weren't a member it would be as hard to get into as the other birthing center. Thinking about this, I thought that, given the hospital conditions in NY, and how desperate pregnant women (and New Yorkers) can be, women might even investigate the church just to get a spot in the birthing center.

Hey, I don't judge how people come to natural childbirth and I certainly won't judge how they come to the gospel.

Options for Birthing

We have been self-dubbed a peculiar people. It’s pretty well known that we don’t do what everyone else is doing. I know plenty of you have been to events and been the only one not drinking, or the only one who believes in waiting till marriage. We don’t do what everyone else does on Sunday. We store large amounts of beans, flour and peanut butter in our garages. We spend our money differently. So why is it, that when it comes to pregnancy and birthing, so many of us don’t question what everybody else is doing?

I know many couples who pray about when to start their families, and about the timing of subsequent pregnancies, so why not pray about how and where to birth and about care providers?

I was inspired to write this book and blog for an LDS audience because there are plenty of good spiritual birthing guides out there that the average LDS woman might not read. I am hoping that because of the spiritual nature of the content and stories in this book and blog, that more LDS women will find it and see that women like them have found better options for birthing.

Pregnancy and birth are some of the most charged moments of a woman’s life and you will remember them forever. They can be positively charged or negatively charged. It is also a time when your potential for spiritual growth is the greatest. I guess you could say that I am a birth missionary. I would be doing a disservice if I kept my mouth shut.

So, to put it in bullet simplicity, here are your options for birthing:

• Hospital- attended by OB - medicated or not (if you choose no medication, they will likely make it difficult for you.)
• Hospital – attended by a midwife – medicated or not (you will get more support for natural birth with a midwife.)
• Home birth – Midwife attended – medication not an option, but birth tubs are. Water birth is often referred to as a liquid epidural. Also ask about sterile water papules—they are amazing for back labor. (Hospitals don’t want you to know about this because it doesn’t cost a thing.)
• Home birth – Unassisted – I guess I should disclaim that I’m not advocating it, but I know people who have educated themselves, prayed and felt good about it, and had great experiences.
• Birthing Center – attended by a midwife – medication is usually not available, but birth tubs and other comforts mentioned above make it a middle ground between the hospital and a homebirth. Facilities vary greatly.
  
• Caesarean section – This is done in the hospital by an OB – this was traditionally for emergencies and as a last resort, but women can now chose to have planned c-sections.

I’m sure there are other options like birthing with the dolphins, but for most of us, these are our options.

When I became pregnant, home birth was not even in my stratosphere. I wanted to have a planned C-section, and I also didn’t want to breastfeed. Ha! (I ended up nursing my daughter for over three years.) So what happened? I had a change of heart.

God sent the right people into my life and sent me to the right prenatal yoga class and I started to hear about natural birth. What I noticed about all the natural birth mommas is that they were all so happy about it and totally excited to share their wonderful birth stories. This was totally different from anything I had heard before. Then I remembered the sheep and their calm inward focus. I knew there was there was something right about what they were saying. Our bodies know how to do this.

I also loved the idea of water birth. I took a bath twice a day when I was pregnant. It was so soothing to me. I couldn’t help seeing the symbolic nature of it, with me curled up in a watery tub about as cozy as she was inside my bag of waters.

But it wasn’t just a few happy stories and a love of baths that converted me. I did the research. It’s astounding when you actually find out the facts. Your OB isn’t going to give you these, but there is tons of info out there if you look. I still think the best info in in books, but I have linked a few sources. These are by no means the only sources or the best ones. I can only do so much. One day I will put together a best of the best list of info and I appreciate all the stuff all of you post or share with me.

• Midwife attended births have better outcomes than obstetricians for same-risk patients. (Fewer epesciotomies, lower infant mortality, etc.) http://www.globalmidwives.org/files/Article-homebirth-safety.pdf

• Homebirth is as safe and in many cases safer than hospital births. http://www.gentlebirth.org/format/myths.html

http://www.americanpregnancy.org/labornbirth/homebirth.html

• UC: I have been recommended books on unassisted childbirth (UC) but I haven't read any so I can't recommend or review them. But can also read Rixa's blog (Stand and Deliver). She's LDS, had a planned unassisted birth and wrote her doctoral dissertation on the modern unassisted childbirth movement.
  

• Here's some great info on C-sections and intervention rates.

• I found this summary of many studies on Epidurals. If you like charts, check this link. Some of the drawbacks ofepidurals include: increased risk of: forceps, vacuum extractor, and c-section. Risk of c-section generally found to be 2-3 times more likely with epidural. It also mentions interesting info on how medicated birth may effect bonding.

That's all for now. Love and light.